4/9/08
SPAM IMAM: Overcoming Coffee and Cars
July 27, 2008
My friend refers to my car as a ‘she’ can I still drive it or open ‘her’ door?
Firstly, I would suggest you excommunicate your “friend” and promptly reclaim your cars masculinity. This can be done by repainting it a more manly color, such as black or grey, removing the muffler, covering it in mud to suggest you have recently gone off-roading, and it always helps to add a few dings and dents. Until such time when your cars manliness is sufficiently replenished I would suggest you refrain from driving, maintaining or even looking at your car.
A boy made my coffee at the Starbucks the other day, is it ok to tip? What about drinking the coffee?
The answers to your questions respectively are ‘no’ and ‘maybe.’ Giving the boy extra money may suggest that you are offering him money for “other services”, a misunderstanding which could lead to further unnecessary interaction. Keep your gaze fixated on the floor for the duration of the exchange. If you have trouble collecting your change and/or coffee you make look up briefly to reorient yourself. Regarding your second question, you may drink the coffee but proceed with extreme caution. Think only about the beverage you are consuming and not the individual who made it. In the future, it is best that you make your coffee at home.
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This imam is good at issuing fatwas(spams)(=P)
I agree I.Maria, SPAM IMAM gives out intellectual gold.
I hope no one takes this as actual advice.
who on earth would take this as real advice! I do however, like the idea of re-orienting myself when trying to collect change from the starbuck’s person. There has been many a time when more of the change ended up on the floor, and that posed a whole bunch of other problems : )
haha....”...I would suggest you refrain from driving, maintaining or even looking at your car.”
genius!
how do we send in questions? i don’t see a new one up yet - aren’t they supposed to go up each month.
I really look forward to reading the next one - these are great.
Hey MH, I don’t think there are many people that think like you but if they do, I think we should be worried.
Raj (if that is your real name)
I don’t know if your muslim but some people really take this advice to heart. And I think its great advice for those that need it.
Also the real issue here is what is the girl doing in Starbucks in the first place? She can go to wallmart and buy a coffee maker and put it in the kitchen by the microwave(if you catch my drift) As far as girls and driving: the Saudis have it right. This broad just rear ended me last night and now veronica is all banged up! can you believe it? I mean first of all how did she pass drivers ed and secondly where did she have to be at 3:30 in the afternoon other then at home where she should have been in the first place. so all of this could have been avoided if she just stayed home and took care of the haandi on the stove.
Thunderfromjalander,
Whoa… Me thinks this comment was meant to spark additional retalitory comments! Discussion and argumentation are great, but with a comment as ridiculous as this, I won’t give you the pleasure. Instead, I’ll add my own addtional advice to “Spam Imam’s” : As Muslims, lets avoid Starbucks as the owner has publically announced that he gives money to Israel. Why not try ‘Second Cup’, ‘Tim Hortons’ or another local chain?
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