Spam Imam: Love Struck Bollywood Style
I love this girl, but she doesn’t know who I am yet. Should I pop one of the ‘ol Muslim pick up lines like, “lets make this proposal halal,” or should I make like an Indian movie and serenade her with love songs. Mind you, when translated to English they make no sense.
Firstly, love is haram. Please renounce this heinous emotion and refrain from feeling it or even acknowledging its existence in the future. Your feelings for this girl are illicit and show your own abhorrent lack of morals and modesty. Because of this, I will henceforth substitute all feminine pronouns with their masculine equivalent in order to limit solicitation of the impure thoughts you are no doubt steeped in. That being said, your first order of business is to inform your parents of your interest in this boy so they may contact his parents to arrange a brokering of the marital process. If you are both present at these proceedings, they should be conducted through a barrier or some other visual obstruction. If the opportunity for vice remains then conduct these meetings over the phone with the boy’s voice disguised through some masking device. In the future, lower your gaze.
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Salam alykom,
With all due respect to the Spam Imam, your answer is really extreme! Sorry for this (: How come a lady can interact with people at school, street, bank and street and can’t chat with her candidate husband. If I am a teller at a bank and this lady come to open a bank account, I will see her face, hear her voice, know her birth date, and even her phone number. If I am going to get married, I will definitely meet my candidate wife in public place, face to face. Her parents are welcome to join. Moreover, I don’t think I will marry a girl that I met with her once. I agree parents should be aware and well informed but I am not going to get married to the parents! The girl has all the right to know her candidate husband and to assess his personality and so is the guy.
May Allah forgive our beloved Spam Imam 
Oh Spam Imam… now why is it the male must be inverted to solicit the context of a female’s feelings for a boy? Too often sisters are subjected to such heinous actions where the boy is merely the passer by in the right. Sister’s shouldn’t be belittled to feeling the proverbial immoral of love nor its instep emotions.. Spam Imam, go read a Cosmo.
what on earth is this? that’s not how muslims do things….
I had absolutely no idea that love was haram. All due respect to your knowledge in islam but this claim contradicts so many things. First and foremost, everything a muslim does is out of love for Allah. I think we can all agree on the fact that muslims who practice their faith out of mere duty only, and not love for God, have a major flaw in their faith. Knowing that you can love and be loved - be it from God, family, friends, etc - is what keeps any human being going in life. I understand that the love you’re referring to is romantic male-female love, but even that can be harmless, unless you act out negatively on your feelings - thats when i think it becomes haram. I’m no expert, but I can say that these feelings of attraction that we refer to as love are unavoidable, and hence normal. What matters is how you choose to act out on those feelings.
aaah..and spam imam what do you think of islamis provision that a girl must give her consent to marriage and so must the boy? On what basis are they to decide if they do not know each other?
fyi: spam imam is not a real imam.
no imams were hurt in the making of this spoof.