Each month Conservative Guy and Progressive Gal will answer one question from their differing viewpoints.

The advice below has not been approved by an Imam, Mufti or other Islamic body and does not reflect scholarly Islamic opinion on the question. Please consult with a learned person before deciding on any course of action.

This month’s question:

I finished school recently and I got a good job. Now I want to get married. How should I go about it? I’ve tried nothing and it still hasn’t worked. Help!

Conservative Guy:

You would like to get married. Alhamdulilah, that is great news! Marriage is a central component of Islamic life and your desire to marry is very normal. The Prophet has said “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty...” (Sahih Bukhari) . Furthermore, the Prophet, peace be upon him, stated that “Marriage is my Sunnah and whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not my true follower.” (Ibn Haiah, Babun Nikah)

Now that you have made this decision you must begin your search. You may be asking yourself about the qualities you should be looking for in a partner - the person who will walk along side of you in the path of Allah. There are four reasons for marrying a woman: her wealth, family status, beauty or religious [conviction]. Marrying for religion is closer to faith (Sahih Bukhari). InshAllah, while you can choose any of the other reasons, sharing your life with someone who is a true believer is said to be the best way to maintain a happy and peaceful home.

Dating before marriage is out of the question. It is not acceptable because the inter-mixing of sexes (non-mahram) is haram. There are other permitted ways to find a spouse. You should first speak to your parents and your family members about making introductions for you. Your masjid may provide matchmaking services and your local Imam may also be able to help. Let the community know you are looking. Most of all, be patient. The Quran says marriages are written in heaven and InshaAllah those who do good deeds and have patience will be rewarded.

Progressive Gal:

You’ve decided you’re ready to get married. One problem. Nobody to get married to. So how are you going to find your perfect Muslim match? Here’s a few ideas:

Make a list of the people you know. Is there anyone you’re interested in? Maybe it’s time to explore those relationships with long-standing family friends. You know them and you know their families, so it’s safe. You’re not really brother and sister, so maybe it’s time to see if there’s something you’ve been overlooking all these years.

Ok, so you’ve crossed off everyone on your list. You going to have to meet new people and your parents’ suggestions just aren’t getting it done ("Vut you mean he’s ugly, he’s doctor!"). There’s other things you can do.

Get involved in the Muslim community. We should be contributing anyways but getting involved is great way to meet interesting people. You’ll get to know someone a lot better (and it will be less awkward) if you’re working towards a common goal instead of just talking for marriage. Even if you don’t meet anyone through your group, the “aunties” are sure to notice you and spread the word. And if nothing else comes out of it, the Muslim community will be better off and you’ll feel good about helping out. 

The Internet. You might get lucky and find your special someone in your hometown but you may also have to throw a wider net. Well there’s no wider net than the World Wide Web. With the restrictions on dating, the Internet is no longer a place where weirdoes rule (although you still have to be careful). There are tons of single attractive Muslims out there just like you looking for their perfect match. Find a site you like and go browsing (the best ones often have a small fee.)

One thing Conservative Guy and I agree on is that you have to be patient. It will happen for you...after all, it’s already written!