VDay Series: Swiping Left, Feeling Down, and Fed Up

The WMI’s VDay series features anonymous submissions from writers sharing their perspectives on love, halal dating, and challenges for Muslims living in the West. Views expressed are not necessarily representative of the WMI. Photos by Mim Fatmi.

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Like many others, I found myself downloading a Muslim dating app during this pandemic. As much as I would like to blame the lockdown for having this app on my phone, it was my mom who persuaded me into making the bold move. According to her, I was aging–clearly past my prime of my early 20’s, the well known expiry date for girls of desi and Arab cultures. With time not on my side and the whole world shut down, the only way to meet new people was to swipe left or right.

After giving the app a fair chance, I have realized a few things about myself and others.

These dating apps take a lot of time and energy. You have to put in the work to find the diamond in the rough. However, the effort needs to be reciprocated. To be completely honest, more times than not, I found I was lacking in the effort department and not really pulling my weight in the conversation. I recognize that wasn’t fair for the receiving party when these apps are built around proper communication.

At the same time, maybe my lack of effort comes from my general frustration with the participants on the other end. The target market for these apps is young adults, so it’s funny when you come across those who act like teenagers. A lot of them have blatantly catfishing photos, some use inappropriate language during conversations, and others just leave you on read (which, to be honest, is a sigh of relief since I don’t need to find an excuse to leave the conversation).

Lastly, since the pool of candidates is quite large, nobody is really putting their 110% into the conversation. It’s the illusion of choice: if the person lacks a certain quality, we just unmatch, and find someone better. It really takes a hit on a gal’s self-esteem.

I may or may not be guilty of some of these, but quite simply I am tired of playing these games, so goodbye online dating. In the meantime, I’m going to work on myself… which means to keep being the cause of my mom’s unnecessary stress, and let time do its thing. Marriage and relationships require a lot of mental energy, and this isn’t the year for that kind of challenge.