VDay Series: Dating During a Pandemic

The WMI’s VDay series features anonymous submissions from writers sharing their perspectives on love, halal dating, and challenges for Muslims living in the West. Views expressed are not necessarily representative of the WMI. Photos by Mim Fatmi.

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“We should meet up sometime.”

“I’m not really comfortable with that. I kind of only want to be around people in my socially distanced bubble. But we could video call?”

…

“…hello?”

…

“…well, bye then.”

I’ve always found dating to come with its own share of frustrations. First there’s the mental rally to join dating apps, filled with the (foolish) hope that maybe this time there will be somebody decent enough on there that you could picture a future with them. Or at least a coffee date. With such visions in mind, you embark on the app, make the connections, and then usually get let down. You delete the app in frustration, only to come back a few months later. And the cycle repeats.

But in a time where everyone is acutely aware of the loneliness they’re experiencing, dating seems more appealing than usual. It promises a form of human connection outside of endless Zoom meetings and Instagram scrolling. The issue is that trying to strike up a conversation through just text is usually a dead end.

This has been my biggest frustration with meeting new people in the last year. I’m somebody who hates small talk and loves getting into deeper conversations. But so much of our successful conversations are centered around body language. When we see somebody leaning in towards us while talking, we feel like our words have value. When two people get excited about something, you can see it in the way they interact. Oftentimes, you feed off the energy a person is giving you. When you strip that chemistry away and replace it with just texting, the conversation is a lot harder to carry. Not to mention that not everybody is a texter, and one simple how are you conversation can carry over several days. Dating just doesn’t have the same feel to it when the other person is sprawled out in their sweatpants in a video call, half their attention on you and half on the TV screen in front of them.

We’re so eager to make connections and find people who share similar interests, but in a time where almost everyone is struggling with their emotional, mental, and physical well-being, dating begins to take a backseat. I think I’ve started to realize that—like many things—dating might have to be put on pause for a while. And maybe that can be a good thing. Our lives are so hectic and filled with constant pressure, that taking a break wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Like the great toilet paper crisis of 2020, maybe dating is one of those things that we just need to wait out.